yep, babysitting right now.  have been for 5 hours, gets boring at times, but it lets me be a kid again which is awesome.  i can just be stupid and play dolls and go run around w/the little girl and play hide and seek and yep.  have you ever sat down and thought about the future.  i mean really thought abuot it.  not jsut abuot where you're gonna go to college and what you wanna do after that.  but really thought about the specifics of it.  how are you gonna pay for college?  and all those things taht you've always said "i'm gonna get that when i'm older."... now that you're older, you look at life realistically and see that many of those arent as attainable as you thought they could be.  that video camera you thought you needed, now you realize..it's not gonna happen.  taht dream car or house or w/e you though...not gonna happen...

like, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that everythign I thought I ever wanted I know see unattainable, cause thats’ by far not the truth. It’s just that when I was little, I viewed what is reality as completely different. And even a few months ago, I looked at it different. Now that I have a job, I see how it sorta works. How you work so much and get your paycheck and it’s not as much as you wanted/expected. Like I thougth, once I had a job, that I’d spend a little of it on gas and insurance, and I’d have tons of money left over to buy all this stuff I wanted for myself. As it is, I barely have enough for my gas and insurance (around $90 a month) and so it’s not really how I saw it before.

Another thing I’ve thougth about is what I do want to do with my life after high school. I know I still have a year and a half to figure out college, but I think about it a lot. I was thinking about psychology in some form or another. I’ve always debated between that and business. See in psychology, I can analyze things, which many of you know, I do a lot of. And I can try and figure out why people did things and such. But the difference is I’d have a lot of training in it and I’d be able to give reasonable answers. But I dunno, I wouldnt be a psychologist cause I can’t give advice, and honestly, I wouldnt be able to handle listenining to what wrong with other peoples lives all day. I couldnt handle it. I highly commend those who do cause that’s a really respectable job in my mind. But I’ve always thougth about stuff like that. Like how someone’s childhood, environment, and allt he other factors really do affect them. Why they did something. How their mind works. And I’m always asking "why?" Stuff like that has always facinated me. Like Friday in chemistry, when someone was doin her project on handwriting analysis, I was just entranced, I wanted to find out more about it and stuff. And all those quizzes that let you know how you think and crap, I love stuff like that...bbl

i love music, it really makes you think..